My Singing Journey Now and Then
Before i started to enter the world of blogging, covering songs and social media, i am just an ordinary girl who just contented on what life brings ahead of me. On this chapter of my life, there's a part of me that's been hiding by myself. Maybe for some reasons i tried to neglect and forget about this big dream when i was a kid.
I used to sang early as 7 years old. My teacher was the one who discover me that i can sing. Every time that she needs to check our homework's and activity there was a condition that i have to sing for her first before she check my stuff. In my childish mind, i don't care about that and didn't even realizing that i will be liking it to do more and more.
During my years in Elementary from Grade 2 - 4 my confidence in singing was developing and academic as well.
But later when i entered Grade 5 it all get worst and not well. I tried to join the Choir group in our school and i pass the screening. Then there's a moment that we have an Inter School Choir Competition. We need to buy an appropriate clothes (uniform for the group) and i have no money for that. My teacher told me this "Why you've join the Choir, if your family can't afford the expenses for that to participate." Being just a kid and living with a poor family, she was right i cannot afford to buy good clothes and even minus one/karaoke tape at that time. It was a bad memory that's been with me 'till i enter Grade 6.
That year was so awful and sad, i have a teacher again that was worst than before. My family struggle a lot financially that year that causes me to absent more often (i'm still a member of the Choir) My teacher always get mad at me and made me feel so a shame. There was a moment that she sees me (after days of being absent) and called me "Palitao" (lulubog lilitaw) means i will appear once and then disappear again. It really affects my confidence and my sense of humanity by my teacher. I felt worthless and my confidence and trust to myself just all go away. When i remember that moment during my childhood days, i realized that your childhood experience will be one of the most important foundation of your identity, confidence, trust and self esteem. In that way, my interest in singing just blew away.
During my High School days i felt that it was my redemption of my dreams (to sang again). A fresh new start and a beginning of my new chapter HIGH SCHOOL LIFE! My First year in High School (i was in Private School) it was fun and i met a lot of friends. As usual even though i didn't make it obviuos that i can sing. My classmates knew it already, they grab me and told my teacher that i will be the one who will compete to our School Singing Contest. That was my first try to join a singing contest in school and i won the 1st prize:)
Unfortunately they don't have any trophy as a remembrance, they just give us (for the other winner also) like souvenir in a Wedding lol! That was a good experience and gave me back my confidence and self esteem because of that winning moment. But our family budget get into crisis again and we needed to transfer on a public school but we tried to talk to our School Principal and granted us to be a working student inside the school and our tuition fee will be free this whole year.(i have 2 siblings with me in that school)
My 2nd - 4th yr. we we're transfer on a Public School and i thought i will not be happy in that kind of environment. I met new friends and they we're friends 'till now. On my junior year, my English teacher knew that i can sing and he wanted me to sing in front during his class. I also wanted to be a singer that time and decided to audition on a Singing Talent but unfortunately the song material that i have including my audition photos not passed for the screening. They told me that they needed a proper photo of me (latest one) and the minus one tape. That was so painful and i was crying because i was full of hope that moment that i could enter that competition but it was not for me. Since then i forget about singing competition and set aside that dream.
After i graduated in High School, i wasn't able to enter college (no budget for tuition fees) and i am still young to look for a job. I engage myself inside church ministries. My talent (singing) was trained inside Church too. I was 15 when i enter the Music Ministry. Being inside a Church means that you need to forget to be a PERFORMER but instead to be a WORSHIPER. I don't know if some of you will understand what's my point here. The performer is require to perform with full of confidence and entertain your audience but being in a Music ministry that is not our goal. Our goal is to please our unseen audience. Our GOD! We don't perform to impress but we did it with solemness, with humbleness and offering it to the our Lord Jesus Christ. For more than a Decade i've been in the Music Ministry were i learned how to play musical instrument and to sound better. There's a lot of difference between the world of serving God in the Ministry and performing.
At this point of my life it's a big change that i had to think that i'd still want to pursue my first dream before. To be a Singer. I felt that it was impossible at my age to still dream and think i can make it but there's only 1 person who truly believes in me and made me realize that taking a step towards my dreams are just a step away. I just need to trust and believe in myself. Here in my blog you will discover how will i change myself into the person that i ignore 15 years ago. There's so many years that i try to deny it but God sometimes uses people for you to realize that there is still hope for your dreams that was shattered. I remember this passage in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13:13 says ''And now this 3 remains; Faith, Hope and Love. But the greatest of this is Love.''
I believe that God's move in our lives even though you already gave up. A lot of times that this verse really speaks to me and realize that.
WITHOUT FAITH YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IN GOD, WITHOUT HOPE YOU CANNOT CONTINUE TO DREAM AND WITHOUT LOVE YOU CANNOT CONTINUE TO LIVE.
This statements are just simple but the impact is true.
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